Mothers Day 2007

please look past grammar and spelling... it's late, and no time for spell check, this computer could lose connection at any time...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Tonight I rubbed my sons head as he "screamed" him self to sleep. It was very sweet. :-)

and I Snuggled my Merci "my snuggle bug" untill she snored in my face :-) I am feeling very greatful for my opportunity to be MOM! I also feel the weight and responcibility and fear that comes along with it. I wonder what my children will remember about me when they are my age.

Today I got a card from Merci.
"she just couldn't wait till sunday"

The card she had blanks for her to fill about me...

and she really knows me!

She knew that my fav. food was chicken... and my shoe size was 8. I was suprised! but very funny she thinks my favorite thing to do is CLEAN! Where has she been? Has she seen the kitchen today? Two sinks over flowing with dishes.

Its understandable.

She hears me say...on a daily basis

"I can't play right now I need to clean the house."

she brought home a peom from school. She didn't write it but...

it did make me cry and gave me a sigh of relief...

GOOD NIGHT MOTHER

ITS OK

YOU DIDN'T WIN A PRIZE FOR MOTHERHOOD TODAY, BUT ITS OKAY

YOU HAVEN'T RUINED MY DEVELOPMENT BY ONE BAD DAY

I WANT A HUMAN MOTHER, NOT A MODEL ONE.

YOU SURE WERE ANGRY AT THE WORLD!

I LEARNED A FEW NEW WORDS

(I WON'T REPEAT)

DON'T WORRY MOTHER-I FELT YOUR KISS

THERE'S ALWAYS A TOMORROW-

FORGIVING AND FORGETTING ARE EASY

WHEN I KNOW THAT I AM LOVED!

I remember a time I loved God with total abandonment.

At 14 daily drinking and weekend highs were all I had to look forward to. Other than The typical pursuit of the next guys just long enough to get him and his attention then on to the next one I could used to feel a worth.
Then one summer God came in interrupted it all. He began visiting me in my room until finally one night feeling broken hearted over what I had become. I read a scripture off of an old postcard from a church I had visited years before. Joshua 1:5 I will never leave you or forsake you. And I broke. His pursuit wore me thin and I fell in love with Jesus. I abandoned all relationships with the world, as I dove deep into this relationship with the Him. I Abandoned music, and movies, and books, that would pull me away from the loving embarrass of Him. I would read His word with such excitement to learn more of who HE was and is. I was so safe in Him. It didn't matter that I wasn't hanging out with my friends anymore it didn't matter that I didn't have a new guy or that I was home on a Friday night reading my bible. I knew I had a purpose for my life to love and serve God. I knew I was so treasured and valuable that he had died for me... For a time such as that very summer! I became a member and got baptized at the closest church I could find, just down the road from my house. A small church with maybe 35 members who were age 60 and up. The Holy Spirit was moving and I was so hungry!
Then summer ended and back to school I went. Sophomore year. Most of my friends expected this phase I had gone through over the summer to be over. They quickly found it was not a phase. Immediately I clung to the others in the school who I new were Christians. Not the typical "oh yes I have been saved since I was two" but the ones that I had known before and seen there lives completely changed. And immediately I was excepted in. I was released from the church I was attending and began going to their church. I new CTK was the place where I could grow and grow quickly! I was Shocked to go to Network and see others who loved him like me! I was shocked! To see others (my age) weep in his presence too! Oh how I loved to weep in his presence. Every time I would feel him I couldn't help but to weep! It was uncontrollable! The overwhelming presence of God. I loved my new church my new family! It was great. I got in every class, every prayer meeting and attended two home groups! I was hungry and I was being fed!
But eventually it faded. The time exploring who He was in the Word, and he weeping in his presence, and the abandonment to him. I had found a new safety and new value, and new place of comfort, and a new value system. My friends... My time with God was not as valuable, exploring the heart of God throughout his word was not as exciting. And being home on a Friday night all of a sudden mattered again. Of course I didn't see all this then. I thought I was fine.

I realize now... 10 years later.. here I am in this dry wasteland. This broken cistern. But this cistern has been leaking for 10 years. And it has finally run dry.

Friends are great, the Body of Christ is great! But I let them become my new value system. I began to honor them more than the Father. Building relationships with them became more important than building one with Him. His value decreased to me. At first he was EVERYTHING to me. He was so valuable I would never want to do anything to displease or dishonor Him! When my focused moved off of Him (don't get me wrong I loved him, I pursued, I have been learning and growing.... ) But the truth is it's the same in most of the church today. I lost my abandonment to Him. And my value for Him. I end up here; this place of emptiness and bitterness towards God. GOD! How can I be bitter with God? Man o man. I ask myself this same question! What arrogance right! What an ungrateful heart.
So where to go from here? I just begin to honor Him. Because He is worthy. I detox from sin detox from broken cisterns, become IN NEED of God. I go after Him rather than waiting on Him to do something for me.

My first blog message ever....I'm serious this really is my first Blog message ever.....

Well....where to begin....I'm married...the reason I'm letting you guys know this is because of my pic below....as you can see I have been working out. I will be 28 this year...I have a feeling that when I hit 30 all my hair will fall out..oh well....like I said I'm already married. Well thats all for now....until next time...make sure you look both ways before crossing the street.

Hanging on to the Hem

I thought I was hanging on to the hem of his garment.
Then I found out I was not hanging on at all.
He has been hanging on to me!

March 24,2007
His Diadem

I'm blogging

Usually I do the myspace thing. Blogger feels much more grown up!
and considering I will be 24 in just a few months I guess I should start wearing glasses, a crochet shawl and use blogger. he he he o.k. not really. But this does feel like my big girl myspace!

I don't know how often I will write, or if it would even be in any way encouraging to read. I will resist publishing anything hopeless or negative I find that very annoying! So I hope my random posting will Honor the The Lord and encourage you!


Enjoy!

~*~Crystal~*~